Frith and the Family

Frith and the Family
By Mike Hicks

I recently joined The Troth, which is an organization dedicated to exploring, practicing and promoting the pre-Christian religion of the Germanic peoples, who include the English, Norse, Icelanders, Swedes and Germans, among others. This religion is known most commonly by the names Asatrú or Heathenry.

This follows becoming a kindred member about a year and a half ago (kindreds are to heathens somewhat like covens are to wiccans), which in turn follows dedicating myself to the faith of my Northern European ancestors a few year before that. I view this as a logical personal progression from the growing realization that my core values – honor, loyalty, and truth among others – are primarily heathen.

One of the important heathen concepts I’ve been introduced to in the past few years is "frith" (rhymes with “fifth”). Frith is essentially the conscious practice of maintaining harmony at home and in the community. It is not as simple as one might suppose. In order to maintain frith, heathens encourage one another to speak up. They air their views openly and with blunt candor. In fact heathens are often downright confrontational with one another! As a parent I've been fascinated by this model for honest and effective communications. As someone brought up in authoritarian public school and Sunday school settings, I was conditioned early on to avoid direct engagements. Although in heathen exchanges it often seems as if a fight is breaking out, frith actually diffuses emotional tensions. My observation has been that it usually eliminates actual physical confrontation and also avoids the harmful secret resentments caused when true feelings are left unspoken. Arising as it does out of a culture that places high value on truth and personal honor, the practice of frith-building fosters deeper understanding and respect between family and community members. I think this is a wonderful, although at times admittedly difficult approach and try to share it with my boys. Unfortunately, I've yet to have any tales of substance to relate insofar as applying frith with my children. I’m not proud to say this is partly because at times I have a tendency to regress to that early conditioning and be overly authoritarian with them. So one of the benefits I hope to enjoy in becoming a better heathen is also becoming a better parent. What I can share by way of example are recent heathen discussions on the death penalty, folkish vs. universalist heathen beliefs (i.e., racism in religion), and whether or not heathens should hail the "evil" god Loki at public gatherings. These are all hot button issues. People hold very strong opinions about them. Yet because of the emphasis on frith, heated discussions tend to educate and enlighten rather than anger or divide.

Here in Connecticut , we may soon have the first execution in 40 years. Based on historical lore, most heathens have no problem with the death penalty. The well-being of the community comes first and if an individual harms the community they forfeit all. The reality these days, however, is that our justice system often wrongly convicts (many have been released from death row due to DNA evidence) and only the wealthy have reliable access to quality legal representation. Worse, in my view, is that it actually costs more to execute someone than to imprison them for life (strange, but true). The $2 million that my state will spend to execute this one criminal equals the entire annual operating budget of the food bank where I work. So whenever I hear rhetoric about "serving justice," I think in terms of priorities. Which should a truly just society do first: serve punishment to one individual or serve food to 100,000 impoverished, hungry citizens? This is the 21 st century, and above all else heathens are practical people. When I share my death penalty views with other heathens most agree, admittedly with some regret, that the death penalty makes no sense as it is practiced now. Some remain unchanged in their opinions and that is okay too.

The point is that frith is maintained during heated discussions because of the value we place on it. Heathens take the time to hear each other, to consider one another’s view. We may agree to disagree in the end. The ultimate goal is not to “win the argument” or convince the other person that we are right, but for members of the group to understand one another Sharing views with family and faith community informs and educates us all. We grow in strength and truth. It’s a great feeling.

-TRK-

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